I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize