Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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