Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
