My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
