Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
