I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
