That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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