I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
