I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
