i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
