Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
