i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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