Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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