she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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