I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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