and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
