Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
