yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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