I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize