I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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