just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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