Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
