I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
