Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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