Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
