Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
