You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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