there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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