So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize