Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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