dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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