I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
