I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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