i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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