ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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