he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
