I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
