People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
