It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pants are for mortals
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
