i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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