I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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