We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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