dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
