paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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