It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
