yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
