i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
