he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
