i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
