You can't motorboat a personality
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just invented taco cereal.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
