well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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