opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
