my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
