i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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