do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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