Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
