HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
