Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
