I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
