Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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