its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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