once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She bit a glass in half.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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