Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
