my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize