Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
