I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
