btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
