did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
