Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
